I’m exhausted and my boobie is painful again but I need to do my bit at Mum’s house with some final sorting.  All of a sudden I’m very conscious that there’s so much to do and organise and I can’t leave it to my brothers to do.  They’ve both got their own businesses and young families not to mention that of course their boys, which means they’re less sentimental about the bits and bobs and pieces of paper.  My fear is that I’ll come out from all of this and discover that the stupid little things that made up my Mum (God knows she was great at giving us odd presents) would be gone, along with all those little memories… the big stuff is always there but the little stuff is harder.

I managed to sort out a lot of things and pack up some pictures to sort later when I’m well again.  But the thought of unpacking them all when I got home was just too much and I was wincing with pain on the way home and then getting cross with myself for doing so.  Luckily a colleague had texted me to offer help and I took him up on his offer.  He bought some other boys with him and they helped unload the pictures.  There didn’t seem that much and I did feel a little silly asking them but was at the bottom of my energy fields by the end of the day.

I do feel better having ‘done my bit’ with Mum’s house and possessions and I hope that my brothers think I’ve done the right thing.  I can’t help but every now and then think however that I’m not sure why I’m trying to save my memories of Mum in possessions  when perhaps I’ll never actually have the chance to have these things around me… It would be ironic if I’d fought with my brothers over something silly and won, only for them to have to divide up my possessions soon.    Ooops I’ve gotta think positively so that’s all rubbish… but it is what I’m thinking when I’m low!

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