Back on the rollercoaster

Well I chased up what was happening and was eventually informed that I ‘had been overlooked’. I can’t tell you how many times my heart skips a beat or drops through my stomach when I’ve been told that or hear those all too familiar phrases ‘what is phyllodes?’ or ‘I’ve never dealt with one of these before’. I go from being angry and anxious to being tearful and feeling utterly broken. This really is a rollercoaster and those of you who know me well, know I hate rollercoasters! I so truly just want to get off now.

I’m going back to work on Monday and had hoped that this would have all been over by the end of 2010 and that I would have had a few healthy weeks to have fun and catch up with friends before going back to work. The company has moved offices this week to, so I go back to my old job in a new location and can’t help but feel that it’ll be like starting a new job but with the knowledge that I know what the job is!

This morning I received the call I had expected last week to set up the appointment with a senior breast oncologist at the Marsden in Chelsea on Tuesday. I presume that the results are in from the re-slicing and re-dicing of my pathology and once again wait apprehensively for Tuesday’s appointment to arrive. I also have a number of questions about my condition including whether the tumour was hormone receptor positive or negative, if clear margins were obtained and why the classification isn’t entered into the NHS database. And of course what the odds are of this cancer recurring or metastasing to other parts of my body.

So that’ll be Tuesday afternoon taken care of and on Wednesday I have my first follow up appointment with my surgeon. What a fantastic first week back at work and so much for moving on with my life. I am, however, relieved to be seeing my surgeon (and my Macmillan nurse) as I will be able to ask him if the pains that I’ve been experiencing really are the tissue reshuffling or the scarring of the previous surgeries twinging and not, as my mind tells me, anything more onerous. At least I know the drill at that hospital and am assured that if there are concerns they will do the tests and scans that are needed to check.

Well time to knuckle down, prepare to go back to work and once more wait for my appointments and any further news.

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