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I didn’t make the ball with my brother and his wife. I’m gutted as I had really really been looking forward to glamming up and having a good boogie but I really couldn’t have coped with the pain yesterday not to mention a strapless dress. My boob is so sore from the biopsies and bruised but also the lump is incredibly painful it’s making me feel nauseous – I wonder if the pain will dissipate a little once it settles down after being squished for the mammogram. Now we’ve got to wait for the test results.

My mind is sooo active all night and I’m thinking and thinking about so much and what if’s, even the prescription sleeping pills don’t seem to keep me asleep for more than a couple of hours. I think the continual lack of sleep is also not helping me cope with everything. I can’t stop crying. I suppose I’m grieving for Mum and also dealing with anxiety related to the lump but I can’t divide my feelings between them… I just feel helpless. I guess it’s times like this that I wish I was married or had a long term partner to confide in and who understands my innermost feelings. Someone who will give me a hug and make me feel secure and safe. Isn’t this what your Mum’s for at times like this?

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