I left Millies and headed home today but not before Millie and I had talked at length about what happened yesterday. What does it really mean? We read and re-read the report but all those long words don’t mean anything and we look at the leaflet that I’ve been given by the hospital about phyllodes tumours but note that the only mention of a malignant version is one line and simply says refer to your specialist… oh great! Once again I’m asking myself what does it really mean, is this really happening? Would that explain why it still hurts sooo much? Reconstruction or the tumour still growing? Now another wait until my next operation which is booked in for 5th November but seems like forever away. How am I going to get my head around this if I don’t know what it is, or what is required to get clear of it? My mind is buzzing and Millie is loathed to let me go but I just need to get into my own space and cry… again!

Ed helped pack my bags into my car and I wished I had someone to take them out when I got home but was so tearful when I got back I daredn’t call a friend or colleague to ask.

The drive home was really painful – you forget that wearing a seatbelt is difficult not to mention every bump and lump in the road. Thanks heavens for surgical bras and waterproof mascara.

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