Waiting… again

Will I hear today or Monday about radiation?
Hehehe, almost at the second I hit the ‘save’ button, the phone rang.  The decision is in… well mostly… The sarcoma group decided that they do not, on the information they have, believe that radiation therapy is the best option at this time… but that further surgery may well be.  They are awaiting a further examination of the cavitectomy pathology and may need to take a further slice for testing.  This process may take four to five days and with the seasonal break, I have been advised that I should have further information by the frst week of January.
Earlier this week, my GP called me to say that he believes a second opinion would muddle my case and that I am already in the best of hands and in the centre of excellence for this rare cancer.  My GP has, after all, known me for a very very long time and is someone whose advice I trust implicitly.  He also admitted that he’s been keeping a close eye on my case from his GP surgery and may have been assisting with getting seen by the right people – he really is the best GP in the whole universe.
The irony today though is that the radiation/sarcoma team have referred me to the same person I was going to get a second opinion from!  Small world eh?
Despite all the above and knowing that I am being looked after extremely well and that the level of intrigue into this rare cancer has assisted my case being seen by the very best people, I can’t help it but am very upset and tearful after the call.  I had really hoped that it was going to be a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ answer or that someone was going to say ‘we should do x’ – sill me, it appears that I’m becoming dillusional.  Is this a side affect of Phylllodes?
To update you all a little bit too about the niggling pain.. it’s certainly there today.. perhaps I did too much yesterday or perhaps the tissue is wriggling around again and jumping into the cavity – I wish I could draw you a picture of what I have in my head about this, totally insane!
BUT today’s events has crystallised my mind that I should attend the 10th Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer in Atlanta USA in February 2010.  I have applied for a grant which will be very welcome funding given the recent outgoings and debt looking after Mum and then sorting out her affairs.  There are a couple of other Phyllodes ladies attending the conference that I have met online and who have been a huge support and supply of information and inspiration to me.  I shall look forward to meeting these ladies but also we will, together, be able to get some answers or be able to supply some answers to the professional medical teams attending.  Maybe our being there will raise awareness of Phyllodes as a very real cancer affecting the breast tissue and we may bring back with us, to our respective home locations, information about the conference and our learnings to share with our medical teams and other Phyllodes survivors in their own journeys.

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