I’m pleased to report that I’ve been busy… busy having a life and feeling that I’ve got a life to live. It’s funny but once I was able to make my decision and feel that I made my decision armed with information and support, I felt better. I felt that I had control. I felt I could breathe again. Things have happened since that moment that normally I would get angry at or at the least irritated… instead I’ve been able to laugh at it and remember that there really are worse things to worry about in life.
I have still got the niggling pains I had before and that I’ve been told relate to the tissue settling down… sometimes I wonder when it will stop but nothing that a few paracetemol won’t sort out.
Annoyingly though the pain is also meaning that I’m not sleeping well – the joy of being one of those unusual people who sleeps on their front! – and now I’m back at work, I don’t get to have a lie-in.
Although I’m feeling positive about my experience and my outlook, I’m still acutely aware of my remaining concerns – my body image changes, new relationships, possible recurrence, what next moments etc – but I’m also aware of others who haven’t been so lucky with Phyllodes and whom continue to fight for good health and even for some who have had metastases to other areas of their bodies. What’s strange is that sometimes I feel guilty that I’m feeling better. OK so there are lots of aspects I’m still struggling with and there’s also an annoying little voice in my head that reminds me I don’t have an all clear but the louder voice in my head tells me that I’m going to be OK. Then I hear about others, or the pain reappears and I start thinking. Probably to a lot of you this may sound ridiculous, weak and negative and I struggle with the positive attitude and these feelings daily. I wouldn’t however give up being in touch with my Phyllodes ladies or trying to reach out to others or learn more about this rare cancer and update the reference page on this website… I remember how much I desperately searched for information or help when I was first diagnosed or just needed someone who had been diagnosed with Phyllodes to tell me that I’m not alone and support me.
I sent the below email to friends and family to update them on my current outlook. I included the link to the fundraising page and I’m soooo very very chuffed that people have been so very generous when times are tough for everyone. You will know from this page how very much my attending the Conference means to me and I couldn’t afford to attend had I not received a grant from the Fund. I am so pleased that my fundraising page and your contributions may enable others to attend the Conference and for them also, it will be such a huge source of information, support and assistance. Thank you.
I am reminded every day by your actions how much I’m loved.