Ups and downs

I figured it was about time I gave you a little update.

For the most part I’ve felt like a million dollars. Its difficult to explain how I felt that a huge weight had been lifted once I had received answers to my questions and queries and made the decision not to do anything else. When I’ve felt energised and rested it’s felt great, I’ve felt positive and wanted to move forward with my life AND grateful for having a life. I’m enjoying getting in touch and meeting up with friends again.

However when I’m tired or the niggling pain is a little more intense… or when I wonder how I’m going to move forward with my life when I don’t feel assured that I’m ‘safe’ yet.

How can I plan ahead or book anything in the future when I don’t know what will happen? Will the niggling pains be there forever to remind me what has happened? Or are they just a precursor to the cancer returning?
How do people deal with it? Do they just take day by day and hope that tomorrow is better than yesterday? Smile hard and hope that the good feeling people get when they see a smile rubs back onto me. When I was younger I don’t remember being told that growing up was tough… not like this… can I be 4 again please?

16 days until the Conference in Atlanta – I hope I find some answers there… maybe others who are going through/have gone through this will be able to help me.

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