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Slow start

Slow start this morning.  Am exhausted as mind is whirring again.  Think I spent most of the night thinking and rethinking and just in case I hadn’t already thought it out, thinking some more – sleep evades me!

A friend called me from Australia to find out how I was.  She has been investigating and searching for information about Malignant Phyllodes Tumours.  Luckily as she works for a publishing company she is able to access medical books that aren’t available to the general public and has found some indepth details.  But still no definate reports or clinical trials that would ensure a complete structure to my treatment.

We also discussed the Scar Project ( and the images of stunningly beautiful women who have had mastectomies.  She believes (as I do) that this sort of project should be properly printed and distributed to get more acceptance of something that is happening to so many people.  Fingers crossed the publisher she works for will take this seriously!

I have thought so much about how I feel about a mastectomy.  I don’t know at this point if I will need this but I’m trying desperately to think all these things through as so many of the people I’ve contacted say that it helps so much to be mentally prepared.  I’m so scared and frightened by this though but not sure if it’s because of my own vanity.  As a single girl, I’m not over meeting new people and having relationships but think that many men would be totally put off by a mastectomy… but then again if they are, they aren’t good enough for me.  I deserve someone who will love me whatever I look like.  (If only I could believe that 24/7!)

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