Mum’s cremation and thanksgiving service is arranged for today. Fortunately during the final months I had been able to discuss with Mum what she would like so when it came to the arrangements it was easy. I knew that we’d got it right. We even managed to get ‘Look on the bright side of life’ playing at the end of the service (as requested). I can totally advocate telling someone what you’d like in advance. I’d like my body to be given to medical science – they might be able to find a reason why this cancer attacked me! If not, cremation please but don’t bother with the expense.. spend it on a party! Ashes to be scattered in Berkeley Square, London and a bench to be placed with a simple plaque to identify it… you’re all invited to come sit and enjoy my favourite peaceful place… I just love that place.
I digress. On the morning of 20th as I’m getting ready for the day ahead. I’m nervous and scared that the day will go OK and get dressed in lots of colour (No Black requested by Mum!). I felt a little pain in my right breast and on rubbing the pain away discover a lump. Now I have to confess I don’t (as suggested by all the health organisations) check my breasts regularly so am not sure when the lump arrived or if it’s got larger quickly etc etc. I texted a friend in a panic (it was 6.07am) “Ohmygod, stupid question to ask a boy but do glands play up when upset? cos I’ve found a lump in my boob…“. He replied with “EVERYTHING plays up at times like this, Stress and trauma cause all sorts of things. Forget about it for today and tomorrow and see how it is after the weekend. 95% of boob lumps aren’t anything, but if it’s still there next week share it with your doctor”.
I then put this to be the back of my mind in the hope that he was right and would deal with it if it hasn’t gone in a couple of days. Besides I had to get on with my mothers cremation and memorial service… I’m too young to lose a parent let alone have cancer… and we don’t have cancer in our family, so of course it must be hormonal or emotional or just something random… maybe I’ve bashed myself and it’s just a bruise.