Bench with Tish

Another visit to my bench… this time to meet up with my lovely friend, Tish.

Sadly we couldn’t stay long as it was so cold and Tish finds the cold during treatment too much.. quite rightly really!  We toasted our lovely friend Kerry with pink bubbles… only sorry that Kerry is no longer here to join us ;-(

IMG_1122 IMG_1124We did then wander away and find a superb Italian cafe to purchase some delicious hot coffees!

Birthday bubbles on my bench

A friend I’d met on my trip to La Manga for Joanna Hall retreat came to visit.  We then met up with another friend, Maria, for a wonderful Italian meal at a Balham restaurant.

This morning, Elizabeth suggested that we celebrate my birthday with a breakfast picnic and bubbles at my bench in Berkeley Square.

Loved it… so loving having my bench that I can share with so many friends.

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Birthday Day

It’s difficult sometimes to get together with people who have busy careers and a family… so it’s not often that Helena and I manage to catch up properly… ie without small people or husbands around.

So we decided many months ago that we’d celebrate eachother’s birthday in style.  Firstly we met up in Berkeley Square to see my bench.

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Look they’ve even added a Christmas tree to the view from my bench.

IMG_1065Then we headed off for an uber treat… lunch at The Square.

5 Dec 2011Followed by a cocktail or two with MC at Soho House

IMG_1083 IMG_1096That’s just how a day should be!

Pan London Event: Survivorship and Cancer

Hosted by the Kings Fund in their wonderful building in Cavendish Square the Pan London Event was well attended.  Currently the approach to follow-up for cancer survivors is centred around routine outpatient appointments.  The purpose of this event is to look at developing and testing new approaches to follow up care for those living with and beyond cancer.

The agenda for the day looked to tackle many of the areas and the speakers are experienced and experts in their fields.  However I was a little scared (and rightly as it turned out) about the amount of content for the day. Most of the speakers had between 15 and 30 minutes for their presentations!  I wonder if it would have been better to tackle half the amount of subjects and to have a further event or perhaps make it a two day event.  Sadly, in my opinion, I do feel that for many of the speakers they barely had time to scratch the surface and therefore negated the power of the event.

A link to the full agenda is Pan-London-Survivorship-conference-25th-November-2011.

I won’t go into great detail as a great many of the points made I have previously discussed in this blog.  However bullet points for thought, discussion and response:

  • Cancer incidence is rising.
  • Cancer mortality is falling.
  • We NEED to action a survivorship programme (with funding and holistically) for the increased quantity of people requiring it.
  • We need to put these plans into action NOW as the increase will be unmanageable before we know it.  (Although personally I feel it is already here!)
  • Within the Cancer Reform Strategy there are 4 new partnership initiatives:
    • NAEDI – Awareness and early diagnosis
    • NCSI – Survivorship
    • NCEI – Inequalities
    • NCIN – Intelligence
  • We need to ensure that each of these 4 partnerships work collaboratively but not in competition with eachother.
  • Cancer practice needs to be reviewed to be personalised for each person affected.  We can no longer treat a 17 year old with breast cancer in the same way as a 70 year old!  One size does not fit all and considerations need to be made with changes to the pathways and personalisation at the fore.
  • When we refer to ‘Living with and Beyond Cancer’, there are many considerations and organisations that should be involved – COLLABORATIVELY:
    • Information and communication
    • Psychological support
    • Supportive and palliative care
    • Clinical Nurse Specialists (we need more of these not less!)
    • Cancer Patient Experience Survey Programme.  Many areas need improvement and this survey is a great way of measuring these.  Should be run regularly and measurable penalties be applied.
    • National Cancer Survivorship Initiative.  Working with all third sector organisations to ensure that this initiative is actionable.
  • In 2010 the NCSI-Vision-Document document was published.  This document details the five shifts required in the vision, the priority areas and a general iterative process to achieve this vision.
  • We have a long way to go but at least survivorship is now firmly on the agenda and there’s barely a meeting when it’s not discussed… we just need to make sure that firm plans are in place for anyone living with and beyond a cancer diagnosis.
  • A presentation from Macmillan Cancer Care identifying the cancer care pathway and also crunching numbers of people and stages – this focused on London and despite having heard these numbers plenty of times, it still comes as a shock that they’re so high and rising!
  • Natalie Doyle of The Royal Marsden presented about why Holistic Needs Assessment is so vital in patient care.  A holistic health and social care assessment is undertaken in order to identify supportive and palliative care needs of an individual and to trigger any specialist assessment that may be required.  For instance, home help, nursing staff visiting at home, transport to and from hospital, psychological support, social and occupational needs and spiritual needs.
  • Holistic Needs Assessments should be carried out at a number of points and revised accordingly:
    • Around the time of diagnosis
    • Commencement of treatment
    • Completion of the primary treatment plan
    • The point of recognition of incurability
    • The beginning of end of life
    • The point at which dying is diagnosed
    • At any other time that the patient may request
    • At any other time that a professional carer may judge necessary
    • Each new episode of disease recurrence.
  • We know that often nurses are under a great deal of time pressure and there are cutbacks affecting the number of CNS available.  However this should not affect whether an assessment is carried out.  It should take no more than 30 minutes.
  • The holistic needs assessment and/or treatment summary should be sent from the hospital team to the GP surgery.  The GP should then assist in ensuring that any additional care is implemented and managed locally.
  • We had three presentations fro Cancer Networks showing the sort of projects that had been undertaken within London with reference to breast follow ups, supporting people with brain cancer at work and a cancer transition programme.
  • A presentation regarding the Late Effects work being undertaken at the Royal Marsden.  A critical piece of work that is looking at the long term effects on surviving cancer patients.  In the past life expectancy has meant that many of these effects of treatment (chemotherapy, surgery or radiotherapy) haven’t come to light  However more particularly for people being treated at a younger age, this research is imperative to allow them to survive WELL as well as survive.
  • Pawan Randev spoke about the impact of survivorship on GPs and primary care.  He referred us to the November 2011 edition of the British Journal of General Practice – Cancer Survivorship.

A few other reference points would be to the HSJ Supplement from April 2011 –  HSJ_survivorship_supplement

A further tool book – The Cancer Survivor’s Companion.

 

 

Kerry’s funeral

Whilst I was in Berlin at the SPAEN conference I received a call from Tish to let me know that Kerry had passed away.  I was devastated.  Kerry had ovarian cancer but was fighting it with all she had.  Only a few weeks ago she was OK, she was starting a new regimen of chemo in a clinical trial that was hopeful would work.  It didn’t.  She got ill very quickly.

Today was Kerry’s funeral.  I couldn’t go.  I’m sorry I couldn’t go and show my respects to her family, husband and friends.  But today I couldn’t do it.  Instead I’m spending the day reflecting on the laughs and giggles we’ve had.

RIP Kerry xx

Bench with MC

I’ve visited Berkeley Square many times since the call from my Godmother to say the Council have advised it’ll be there v v soon. It never is. I must look like a loon wandering around the Square looking and reading all the plaques.

Today though I could be heard making quite a loud squeal as I noticed a new bench, in the location that had been requested, with a brand new shiny plaque… On closer inspection it was mine!   Yes it was mine…  I never thought this would happen.

My wish to have a bench in Berkeley Square has happened.  And during my lifetime.  My wish to spend time with my friends and family or on my own enjoying my favourite place is happening.  Why did I ever want a bench as a memorial bench for you to visit after I’ve gone…. now you’ll just have to meet me there for a coffee or bubbles.

12 Nov 2011

(Yes I’ve obscured the words on the plaque – you’ll have to visit to read it!)

When I’d finally stopped squealing, I called a friend, MC, who I was shortly due to be meeting up with for tea at Sketch.  Barely able to get the words out, I managed to persuade her to divert her taxi to Berkeley Square as I wanted to show her something.

Here she is… on my bench….

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NCRI Conference 2011, Liverpool

I’m currently in Liverpool at the NCRI (National Cancer Research Institute) Conference as a lay person and representing the various committees, boards and support groups that I am part of.  As with all cancer related conferences I hope to glean positive information that can be shared in the many places and in a relevant way.

My main interests, as always, relate to Phyllodes and sarcoma research and also to survivorship and late-effects of treatment in survivors.  The agenda of the event over the three days interested me greatly in that there are a number of plenaries and workshops on the topics of interest.  I registered several months ago and managed to get a sponsored place at the event with accommodation and costs covered by the NCRI.

However if I’m honest in the past few weeks I’ve been struggling enormously with a whole host of things in my own life that has left me exhausted, anxious and tearful.  Some of it I could explain and some of it, or the triggers, I don’t know where to begin or how to address… so added to the above, coming to the conference has also been an anxiety for me in the past few days.  Ridiculous really, as it was me who sought out the opportunity and applied for a place!

The end of day one has just passed and I’m writing this note.  My tears are close and I DO know why.  This afternoon’s plenaries have been very exciting.  Looking at new advancements in clinical research, DNA and molecular cell structure and mutation of genetics in oncology patients.  However following this was a 10 minute talk by an artist Harriet Barber talking about her artwork, following her own breast cancer diagnosis, of breast cancer patients called “Breast Cancer LIFE”.  Why so difficult, you may ask when I’m such a huge advocate for The Scar Project?  I know and understand a great many of the pictures.  I see the beauty in the individuals posing on canvas and photograph.  I believe their stories and feel their pain.  Jolene and Erin were photographed for the Scar Project… I know them and know their journeys.  All of this you know from my blog and all of this I know because i have found myself revisiting those thoughts with every glance at the pictures.  The truth is though, there was something more in those 10 minutes of hearing Harriet speak that struck a chord.  Nobody has seen me naked since my operations.  Nobody has seen my imbalanced boobs or my scars (well except medics and they don’t count in this!).  For 2 years (as my second operation was 2 years ago yesterday), I’ve hidden away.  Shied away from any potential opportunity for a relationship or even a fumble (sorry if that offends!).  For all my blarney about being OK, being able to cope, being able to move on and ‘survive’… I’m not, if I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.  I don’t even think I’ve done that… I mean really look, not just walk past a mirror.  How can I possibly think about moving on, meeting anyone and being intimate in any way when I can’t even look at myself?

“No statements about the cancer.  Only about Now and about Life.”  – Harriet Barber

Dinner party with new friends

Isn’t it wonderful when you meet new people and they become great friends. You’ll remember that I posted about going to Rewind Festival in August (my first music festival at the age of 40ish!). You may also remember that because we got in late to the campsite we searched for a place to put up our tent and finding a suitable area, pitched it as quickly as we could. Only to discover later that we had ‘allegedly’ pitched it on the planned ‘terrace’ of our neighbouring monster tent. Anyway, inevitably we became friends with the tent owners and their lodger – to be honest we were so up close and personal for the weekend, it was inevitable!

Since then they’ve not really let us forget our need to be quite so close to them and we’ve kept in touch.

Tonight the tent owner couple (H&D) hosted a dinner party for the Rewind group. J is over from Asia where he currently now lives and collectively we’ve managed to get a Saturday date in our diaries – a minor miracle.

I volunteered to create the desserts and relished the opportunity to get in the kitchen and cook for others. It’s one thing that I’m always wishing I did more of but also doing so with lots of time to think about what to do, shop for the ingredients and of course cook it all up.

I arrived nice and early (lunchtime as requested!) and we headed down to the pub in the village for a couple of cheeky ones. H & I tucked into a few bubbles – always a favourite but perhaps I shouldn’t have started so early!

My chosen desserts were tarte au citron and iced raspberry soufflés. I also managed to sneak in some mini Florentines with our coffee too.

 

 

 

 

 

Fabulous evening and lots of chatter. I really did try to keep it together but couldn’t help myself keep thinking about Jolene and kicking the thought to the back of my mind again – “tits and teeth girl” ie stand up and smile! Kindly J asked how my friend Jolene was. He’d not read of her passing. That knocked me somewhat.

I think I faded a little early or at least I’d faded by the time the dancing started! You know it’s a good dinner party when everyone is up dancing or singing!

I was shattered though. I’ve not been sleeping particularly well. I’ve not been sleeping well since Jolene passed away. Tomorrow I’m also up early to drive to Liverpool for the start of the 2011 NCRI (National Cancer Research Institute) Conference. In all honesty I think I’m going to find this one heavygoing. Not because of the content but just where my head is at. I can’t help but be a little resentful sometimes when I attend cancer conferences and the main tumour type topics are the main 4 and very rarely a rare cancer and certainly never phyllodes. I know it’s irrational but..

The evening for me though ended early when the lack of sleep, alcohol and emotion got a little too much.

St Paul D’Aria – talk by Lauren Pecorino

The Paul’s Cancer Support Centre, based near Clapham Junction in South West London offer a range of services for people affected by cancer, for the diagnosed but also for carers, family members and friends. Several of my friends have attended their Healing Journey course and found it enormously helpful to get through the emotional and psychological impacts of being diagnosed with cancer. They offer a great many more services at the Centre but also via webinars.

However tonight I attended the Centre to hear Dr Lauren Pecorino speak about ‘Lifestyle choices that may reduce cancer risk: evidence based recommendations’.

She has written a book ‘Why Millions Survive Cancer: The Successes of Science’ which goes into more detail about the improvements worldwide in survival rates for many cancers and she believes that these improvements mean that “our attitude towards cancer now needs drastic change”.

As someone diagnosed with a rare cancer and indeed meeting so many more people diagnosed with different cancers, the subject of ‘is it my fault I have cancer?’ or ‘is it my lifestyle that gave me cancer?’ or ‘could I have avoided cancer?’ often come into discussions. Mostly at the darkest of hours and at a time when there’s the blame game discussion.

I get truly frustrated when I read articles in many publications (medical and non-medical) that imply that by eating, drinking or doing something you have in some way made a choice to have cancer. Some of the same publications then produce articles saying that the same things will in fact cure cancer! Just for a laugh have a look at this page http://kill-or-cure.heroku.com/

But the same applies for healthy living… if you have a sedentary job or perhaps work night shifts, you are also putting yourself at risk of cancer. Errr hellooo?

So tonight, Tish and I decided to pootle along to this lecture in the hope that we could come away with something conclusive. Was there in fact a food stuff that should be INCLUDED in our diet or one that should be EXCLUDED?

Sadly the lecture really was much of the same. Generalist in approach and undefined in advice.

She touched on the importance of ‘personalised medicine’ (a terrifically fabulous idea in principle but very hard to administer in the current thinking). She also spoke of components of some fruit and vegetables actually turning on genes that help protect you against cancer… but only in a general way and not all cancers nor for everyone!

I guess I felt a little cheated. I wanted some facts. I wanted an ‘expert’ to say X or Y will work with to reduce occurrence or recurrence of cancer B or C. I know it’s never likely that they’ll tell me anything about Phyllodes or indeed for Tish about Ovarian – the joys of rare cancer diagnosis – but I had hoped there’d be something new that I can share with others who are seeking hope and ‘informed choice’.

In conclusion I should add that there are many many pieces of research into healthier eating and lifestyle choices. This research is for all sorts of medical conditions, including cancer. I hope in the future this research is going to allow more personalised medicine and treatment. I would like to see ‘personalised medicine/stratified medicine’ (current buzzwords) to also include lifestyle advice as well as drugs prescribed. I believe there must be a more holistic approach to health generally.

I also know that, for many, the idea of eating 5 a day of fruit and veg or taking up running, just isn’t going to happen… however encouraging and motivating people to be more interested in what they put in their bodies and how they use their bodies must surely be the way forward. I would love the media to use encouragement and motivation instead of the current method of blame – particularly people who only have 4 a day or eat the occasional takeaway or didn’t go for a brisk walk today… it doesn’t mean they WANT to get cancer!

I also know many people who are gym bunnies and have been all their lives. They eat right. They exercise regularly. They don’t drink. They’ve never smoked. And still they are diagnosed with cancer.

It breaks my heart when I hear a cancer patient ask if they have caused their cancer because they liked milkshakes too much or a takeaway every Sunday night. I think they’ve enough to handle being diagnosed without feeling that they are in some part responsible!

I’ve not read Dr Lauren Pecorino’s book “Why Millions Survive Cancer” and I’m sure there are some fabulous tips and tricks for a healthier lifestyle. However I didn’t feel there was enough substance during the lecture to compel me to buy it. Have you read it?