Still waiting for results from the re-slicing and re-dicing of my the second excision pathology. My radiation lady had been so certain when she said confidently to call her if I’d not heard by 4th January. I’ll be calling her tomorrow… I’m fed up… it was meant to be over by 2010…
Before we close the door on 2009, I’d like to briefly reflect. I started the year in Australia with some dear friends. I discovered NLP and qualify as a Neuro Linguistic Practitioner, attend NLP groups and became an Affiliate of the Association of Coaching. I spent time with my Mum before she passed away in August and understand more about her past and be able to share with her some of my dreams for my future. I was diagnosed with a rare cancer, Phyllodes Tumour (Cystosarcoma Phylloides). Although I, of course, wouldn’t wish to re-live my 2009, I’m grateful for the experiences and learnings that I gained from my 2009 and for the changes in my views, priorities and outlook this has given me.
Before we move on, I would also like to say a truly heartfelt THANK YOU to all of you who listened to me, shared my journey, held my hand and supported me. I’m incredibly thankful to have such special friends and family (new and old, near and far).
I believe that in life we all have choices and should try everything, at least once, to see if we like it… I can honestly say that I’ve tried cancer and I didn’t like it much, it just didn’t agree with me, we’re not compatible. No, it’s just not for me. I know I don’t have the receipt but I’m sending it back to wherever it came from. So for once you don’t need to bother trying it… I’ve done it for you… take it from me, you won’t like it… tick that checkbox and move on!
Now to move on… ‘fession time. I’m not one who has ever written a long list of resolutions, simply because by the time I get to write them down, I’ve usually already broken them… so I have a wish list or a list of goals to achieve in the coming year…
My 2010, in no particular order… I’d like to do more fun stuff. I’d like to travel more. I’d like to catch up with my friends more often and to meet up with those of you I’ve not seen in a while… some of you for a very long time. I’d like to lose weight. I’d like to love. I’d like to have a laugh – a real laugh, a laugh that sneaks up on you and almost makes you pee your pants! I’d like to go to the opera. I’d like to go sit in Berkeley Square. I’d like to learn more and put into practice NLP and coaching techniques. I’d like to see H&B have the best wedding day ever. I’d like to eat some really really good sushi. I’d like to hug and be hugged. I’d like to hang out in some of the old haunts with my friends and dine in style with others. I’d like to prepare some fantabulous meals and share them with my friends. I’d like to always remember that there is no such thing as failure – just that you can learn from all experiences. I’d like to be living in my own house again. I’d like to remember what it’s really all about. I’d like to finally create the art installation I’ve been dreaming of. I’d like to see the NHS system have a code for recording Phyllodes Tumours. I’d like to feel loved. I’d like to take breakfast at The Wolseley, take tea in Sketch, champagne at The Soho House, eat a degustation menu at The Square and closing drinks at Mortons (foodie friends apply here!). I’d like to feel appreciated for the job that I do. I’d like to hear Celeste, Martha, Evie and Naomi call me Auntie Anna (or I’ll accept HAuntie HAnna). I’d like to always remember that life waits for nobody. I’d like to make a difference. I’d like to have less clutter and be more organised. I’d like to put in the application for a bench in Berkeley Square. I’d like to support others the way that they’ve supported me. I’d like to label up all my photos and to file my paperwork. I’d like to put all the vinyl into a digital format and be able to listen to it on my ipod. I’d like to remember those who are no longer with us by recalling funny stories and kind memories. I’d like to jump on a plane and not know where I’m going. I’d like to make someone I don’t know, smile! Most importantly, I’d like to remember how to live again.
So hold on tight… I’ve got a lot to achieve in 2010!
Finally, a few ‘borrowed‘ words…
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. ~Babatunde Olatunji
Why be saddled with this thing called life expectancy? Of what relevance to an individual is such a statistic? Am I to concern myself with an allotment of days I never had and was never promised? Must I check off each day of my life as if I am subtracting from this imaginary hoard? No, on the contrary, I will add each day of my life to my treasure of days lived. And with each day, my treasure will grow, not diminish. ~Robert Brault
As you know I’m very excited and grateful to have received a grant from the Young Survivors Conference Scholarship Fund which will cover a large chunk of the expenses and enable me to go to 10th Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer in Atlanta USA in February 2010. I am acutely aware however that for many of my Phyllodes sisters (and other breast cancer survivors) without one of these grants they are unable to attend. In the USA they have to make concessions to ensure that they are able to cover the cost of their medical bills. I hear horror stories of some who have to put on hold their medical treatment whilst they save up. For all the criticisms we may have of the NHS (which I personally cannot fault during this journey), we have to remember and be sooo grateful we don’t have to choose between holiday/food/mortgage -v- medical bills or weigh up the risk of going without or delaying radiation or further surgery until the funds can be raised.
The information, workshops, and seminars at the Conference, I believe, will be invaluable for us all attending, as will the cameraderie of knowing that we’re not alone and for me personally to meet my ‘virtual’ Phyllodes sisters too.
So whilst I wait for further news about my own situation, I’m asking you to help me raise money for the Young Survivors Conference Scholarship Fund.
Living Beyond Breast Cancer and the Young Survival Coalition’s Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer is the only international event focused on the unique needs and issues faced by women diagnosed before age 45. Created by young women for young women and their caregivers, the conference has grown to one of the largest meetings in the world for women with a history of breast cancer.
This one-of-a-kind event features educational programming focused on every phase of a young woman’s breast cancer journey: from recent diagnosis, in treatment, living with advanced breast cancer to post-treatment — and years beyond.
Please donate whatever you can so that young women from all around the world can participate in this amazing event.
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Living Beyond Breast Cancer
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Thank you.
I’ve had a lovely Christmas with my family – eaten too much, played with lots of board and card games, made things with my neice’s arts and crafts gifts and even attempted a jigsaw. I enjoyed spending time with everyone and catching up without rushing off to get home.
I love the magic of Christmas and I’m reminded frequently that I can be a very naughty but nice Auntie Anna, teach my neices, nephews, Godchildren and anyone under the age of 16 to misbehave or be just that little bit daft and giggly… sometimes be able to get away with things that the children themselves get told off for by the parents and then conspire with the children to know that they are allowed to be children for a very very long time… hey I’m 42 and determined not to grow up!
But where do they get the endless source of energy from? And how do the parents keep up without needing to disappear for several hours ‘shut-eye’?
Small people are quite lovely but I’m always grateful to give them back!
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas too, however and wherever you spent it.
The joy of internet shopping has helped me out this year.. final parcel has just arrived (not cutting it too tight!)
Mr Snowman (AKA Sebastian) survived the thunderstorm last night. Whilst the rest of the garden has been cleared of snow, he remains steadfast with his hat on and Miffle and Wiffle at his feet.
Wishing you all, wherever you are, a joyful and happy Christmas.
OK so the best Christmas present would be for someone to tell me, with absolute authority, that I’m all clear and there will never be a Phyllodes recurrence for me… if only I could tell you/me that that is what my early Christmas present was…
However the second best present would be exactly what I got news of today. I received confirmation that my grant application to attend the 10th Annual Conference for Young Women Affected by Breast Cancer in Atlanta USA in February 2010 has been approved. The Young Survivors Conference Scholarship Fund has provided me with approximately half the cost of my flight, accommodation and registration fees.
I can’t stop smiling. I’m soo looking forward to meeting a few of my Phyllodes Sisters who I’ve met via the internet and whom are also Phyllodes survivors or relatives of someone diagnosed with Phyllodes. During my journey these ladies have kept me sane, made me smile, listened, researched, answered my questions, shared information and personal stories, held my hand and provided, virtually via the new-fangled-interweb, gentle but ever-so-important hugs.
In addition to meeting in person some of these wonderful people, I’m hopeful that the conference will also allow me to learn and understand more about breast cancer and what it means to so many people; how to manage cancer diagnosis/surgery/therapy and the effect on your body and mind; to heighten awareness of Phyllodes (perhaps more awareness of Phyllodes will ensure that more than 20% of cases are diagnosed correctly first time meaning that many patients will only undergo one surgery for its removal with clear margins); to bring away from the conference information and guidance that perhaps can be used to help other Phyllodes survivors with their journeys and, selfishly, me with the closing of my own; and finally, perhaps some information that I’m able to impart with the medical teams in the UK from research and professionals in the USA.
Now all I need is the phone call from the team performing the further examination of the pathology with the all clear and I’m done! Hmmm perhaps I shall write a quick note to Santa and send it up the chimney… That list is pretty long already, would it be greedy to have a list with eleventeen requests on it?
OK so when it snows in the UK everything just stops… it’s not like (this time) the weather people didn’t actually give us at lest 3 days warning! So why was I snowed in last night and unable to drive to Millies for a pre-Christmas Christmas with the kids (me being the oldest kid of them all). We’ll try again…
You’ll be pleased to hear however that I’ve been using my time constructively… I got up uber early to build a new friend… a huge snowman! He can also keep my cat (Miffle) and dog (Wiffle) company in the garden – don’t they look cute at his ankles?
Pretty impressive eh?
Hey, building/making my new friend at least took my mind off the fact that I’d been up since the wee hours as Niggling Norman has been extremely painful.
I also, (it’s a girl thing) wore a non-surgical bra with my lovely new insert from Rigby & Peller. I didn’t feel lopsided or odd and didn’t feel that anyone else noticed… maybe I can do this!
Thank you Adrian and gang for a really really super evening and making me laugh… really laugh!
AnnaGoAnna Wallace 