Here we go again.  I feel sick at the thought of what is going to happen today.  I soooo wish I’d had sedation the first time and then apart from not having to do this again, I’d also not know what it feels like to have a tube with a camera shoved down my throat!

Very nervous for my pre-procedure discussion.  Nearly passed out when they attempted to find a vein and give me the sedation…  Today’s consultant is way less empathic than the last and took only a minute to tell me that I was being weak having sedation as it doesn’t hurt!  So pleased when I was asleep and didn’t have to know anything else.  I was however a little surprised to wake up with a black eye – what happened whilst I was under?

I left with the report which advised that there was minor reflux oesophagitis, further down in the stomach there was gastritis.  A biopsy was taken from my stomach and sent for testing.

They have recommended antibiotics to manage the gastritis and infection.

Although this may explain the rectal bleeding this doesn’t explain how it started or where it came from.

I’ve been dreading today’s procedure.  But as I’ve said for many many months, I’ll do anything to stop the symptoms and work out what the hell is going on with my body.

I was asked if I wanted the procedure under sedation but to do so would mean that I’d  need someone to pick me up after the appointment.  This is a huge problem for those of us who live on our own and are of working age… our friends are working and we don’t have any partners to take a day off work!  So as not to delay the procedure I figured I’d be find without the anaesthetic.  When I called to query it, they suggested that if I needed to reschedule, I could be waiting for several months… so I did it!  Or I thought I would be able to.

Reality check though.  To have a huge tube put down your throat with a camera on the end of it, isn’t easy to do without gagging.  As I have a really bad gag reflex anyway, I found it extremely difficult.  Of course they spray lignocaine on the back of your throat to help but for me, this just panicked me as I thought my mouth was filling with spit and I couldn’t swallow.  The consultant and nurse were lovely but after only a few minutes (which felt like hours), I couldn’t cope anymore.  I thought I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop gagging and tears were pouring from my eyes.  I hated it and had to ask them to stop.  I can’t explain the relief when finally the long tube was withdrawn from my throat.

Annoyingly I only had a few minutes left to put up with and they would have finished the procedure.  They were able to see the oesophagus and stomach but didn’t manage to get as far as my duodenum.

The consultant did however advise that he could see an infection in my oesophagus and gastritis in my stomach.  He suggested though that I return to have the procedure completed, under sedation!

I felt so stupid and sorry to have wasted their time.  Now to find a friend who can pick me up after the procedure when I get a new date.

Aaaagh fingers crossed today’s examination and procedure will find answers.  I’ve been poked and prodded way more than I’d ever want and still they don’t know why I’ve got these unexplained symptoms.  I’m fed up with feeling ill but I’m also fed up with the many many returns to different hospitals, different consultants, explaining every time why I’m there (they never seem to read any notes or have the full picture) and of course being poked and prodded.

What a pleasant surprise today then when the consultant – female and a similar age to me – had read the notes, asked questions, listened to the answers etc etc.  Already I was feeling confident that she would be able to find out something.  And she did!

OK so the procedure is a bit gross and, if I’d not had as many embarrassing procedures by this point, I’d be slightly mortified having yet another tube with a camera on the end inserted into my girl bits!  Also a little odd holding a conversation with the consultant whilst she looked at a screen and moved the camera around.  But a pleasant change to be asked sensible questions about my health… including ‘had I ever had a catheter inserted?’  When I said ‘yes’, she asked if the nurse had had difficulty inserting it.  Err yes she had!

She found a tear in my urethra that she believes would have been when the catheter was inserted the night of my second surgery.  She then thought that as the infection hadn’t been treated (and still remained) that it would have spread through other organs.

Well that would explain the blood, the nausea, the tiredness etc etc.

Her suggestion was surgery.  I don’t want any more surgery… in fact I don’t want to be in hospital again for a very long time.

Her next suggestion was antibiotics and managing the infection.  She gave me advise about which ones to take and said she’d send a letter to my GP about it.

This was however with a warning that ‘managing the infection’ would be a temporary thing and probably wouldn’t clear it up permanently – it certainly wouldn’t fix the tear.  That’ll be by surgery when I’m ready…

Whoohooo I feel so much better knowing what’s caused this past months and months of problems.

Ok so the appointment was rescheduled.  Once again I park in the most expensive car park and wait an inordinate amount of time to see the consultant.

Once in the room, I face the usual questions where it appears they’ve not read my notes or know anything of why I’m there.  After fully explaining the situation, the consultant looks at the scan results and announces everything is fine.  He then gestures to the door as if to ask me to leave.

At what point do you think he asks me if the symptoms have continued?  If I’m still have bleeding, nausea, pain, swelling etc.  Err he doesn’t.  I’m getting tearful.  Just before I leave the room, I tell him it’s NOT fine.  Despite the tests showing nothing, there’s still no result or resolution to discovering why I’m experiencing these symptoms and have been experiencing these symptoms now for well over a year!!!  Aaaaaagh… I’m so fed up.  But I do know I’ve had enough of this hospital and it’s inefficiencies.

I think probably more by luck than planning or judgement I’m back at the hospital so soon for the results.

However it’ll probably come as no surprise that when I turn up for my appointment, having parked the car in the most expensive hospital car park ever, I discover that the notes from my recent scan haven’t yet been sent through.

My appointment therefore consisted of a lot of humphing and haaaing, shuffling of papers and then eventually saying that I’d have to make another appointment to come back when the results were in.

I’m thinking of getting an annual pass to the hospital car park… it’s costing me a fortune to visit this often and they don’t seem to be getting any closer to working out why I’ve been experiencing these symptoms!

Fingers crossed today will be a breakthrough.  Afternoon appointment for a pelvic ultrasound.  Once again no food, empty bladder and drink 2 pints before the appointment.  I always hope that these appointments aren’t delayed at all… I’m not allowed to go for a wee!

Fortunately a quick appointment.  A little uncomfortable the scan but all done and now to wait for the results again.